I know this is totally not my style and I will probably look back on it and be like “why Amy?” but I’ve been wanting to write this for a while now because I want to remember and share this phase of life. I feel like it’s important and a lot of girls need more guidance and support – I just want you all to be girl bosses, k?
It’s croosh to be single before you’re ready for someone new – you have to truly know and love yourself first. Personally, my past relationships were really holding me back from focusing on my career and what I loved to do because I was still growing and learning what I was even passionate about. I’ve had my best year yet and I really feel it’s because I had “me time” if you will. You have to be selfish for a short part of your adult life to do you and be happy with who you are – it’s the only way you’ll be ready for “the one” that comes into your life later.
I have been single for the first time since 15 for the past year and a half and here are some of the things I’ve learned during my #singledom…
1.You need to treat yo self – in more ways than one. Spa days, vacations alone or with you bff, wine nights with friends, shopping, concerts, flowers for yourself – whatever floats your boat. But I’ve gotten really good at dating myself – like really, really good.
2. Turns out I’m actually super handy and really organized. I surprised myself with how great I am at assembling furniture, renting out apartments, buying apartments, moving cities, raising a fish, buying a car, paying my taxes (hoping for a good tax refund), working and doing annoying grown up chores. Yeah I definitely called my dad for some tips at times but seriously I’m great at handling pretty much anything and the satisfaction of doing it myself is kind of amazing. (Thank god for the internet tho…and my mentors – I do have really great mentors – shoutout Alie + Geoff.)
3. I learned how to say no or just not respond – real fast. When you don’t have a bf as a buffer err body guard – it sucks to “be mean” and say no but you just gotta save you both the time. It’s like ripping off a band aid – just do it.
4. Don’t give thought to thots. Choose your friends wisely. Don’t settle for shitty friends – if they don’t believe in you and you can’t help each other grow as beautiful human beings- just no. Also make sure to call your fam often. I call everyone almost everyday to check in even if it’s 30 seconds, If you love them, show them and be there for them – even if it’s inconvenient. Your family should always be #1 and be extremely choosey with your top 5 friends you surround yourself with because honestly yes – you are who you hang out with.
5. I’m even more of a hustler when I’m free – err single- because I don’t have a reason to stay home and cuddle with my laptop. Find your passion. Be outgoing, meet new people, travel and have experiences you couldn’t if you were on a honeymoon. Just live your life the way YOU want to. I went alone to Malta (my other homeland) last year and had the most epic trip of my life and made new friends that I will never forget. Of course I love traveling with ones I love but alone is also an experience you have to try at least once or twice. Swear. Then when you are in a relationship you can both have your passions and individuality which is why you probably liked each other in the first place.
6. Hip hop is your best friend. When you are newly single you cannot listen to love songs – hell nah. But rap music reminds you to hustle because you do not want to become a stripper, boys are typically fuckboys and honestly it’s just my jam and I like to dance to it- rap music please.
7. I learned not to hate on happy couples who post their million selfies. Those photos make me genuinely happy now – I have something to look forward to, you know? Everything in life is all about perspective – stay positive and don’t hate. I promise hate and jealousy is a waste of time and energy. Share the love. Also get over thinking you need a date for all your friends weddings – single people will find single people at weddings – and if not – hopefully there is an open bar for you.
8. The going out phase is an evil necessary. I did it. I loved it. I realized I love creating/working more because it fulfills me. And I don’t do hangovers. Don’t stop going out – just tone it down – keep it classy – you know.
9. You have to really learn how to let go. Not the fake let go. The real let go. Of ALL your exes, lovers, any hate you ever had inside. Life is too short. Come to realizations with yourself and learn to love yourself. And if you can’t then you’re definitely not ready for anything else. Masking your feelings by dating other people is THE WORST and so toxic for you. You won’t even know how you feel. I’ve felt like that before – it really, really sucked. Trust.
10. Stop whining. No one wants to be around those types of people – literally no one. Be straight forward, keep it real and stay honest. Cut the drama because that’s what bored people do – they focus on time consuming and energy sucking drama. You’re too good for that boo.
11. Don’t change for someone else. If they don’t love you as you are – it’s not worth it. My dad always told me to never try to change someone – he was very right. Thanks dad.
12. I am a great 3rd wheel if I do say so myself. Like I feel it’s my calling.
I’ll even make new friends while 3rd wheeling.
13. Don’t care what other people think. This is something everyone struggles with daily.
14. I’ve come to realize yes I have high standards (like he has to be a family guy and respectful) – and no I’m not going to change them and you shouldn’t either. If anyone has a problem with that – you just don’t need that in your life. Bye Felicia. Or Felicio. Whatevs.
15. Life is all about timing and I know that what is meant to happen will happen. Not everything will happen the way I want it to at the time I want it but I’m totally fine with it. If I’m still single in 10 years then we may have a problem but for now – I’m content with this life.
16. Most of your guys friends will try to make moves. I recommend you don’t go that route.
17. When I do start dating someone I don’t want to complete them – I want to be their partner. PIC. Ride or die. Bey to my Jay.
Wherever you are in life – some of these apply to you or someone you know. Learn to live a balanced life, don’t depend on someone for your own happiness and be the best version of you that you can be.
So for all my single ladies…